How to Have an Amicable Divorce

​By Attorney Erin M. Idler

Divorce does not have to be a battle. An amicable divorce can be a less stressful and costly process than a contentious one. You and your spouse do not have to agree on all items in advance to have an amicable divorce. Here are considerations that can help you navigate to a peaceful resolution.  ​

Open Communication

Open communication includes approaches that can help you both in the process. Maintaining a respectful tone, avoiding blame, name-calling, or accusations can help you focus on the future. Discuss your goals for divorce and how you envision your lives moving forward rather than the past and using a divorce as a battleground for past issues.  

Be willing to compromise to find common ground and be flexible in finding a solution that works for both of you. Keep an open mind on options. You need education and professional input to make well-informed decisions, as they can help you in considering creative solutions for agreement rather than locking into positions at the beginning.
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Prioritize Children’s Well-Being

Avoid involving your children in adult disputes or using them as messengers, and put their needs first. Involving a child specialist will assist you in creating a co-parenting plan for custody, placement, and communication that focuses on the well-being of your children (whatever their age). The goal is for you both to present a unified message to your children so they do not feel caught in the middle of conflict.
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Obtain Professional Help

Understand that you have options to navigate a divorce. We offer a free initial phone consultation to help you weigh your options. You can also learn more about your options here. One option you may wish to consider is mediation, where a neutral lawyer mediator can provide legal education and help facilitate communication so you can reach agreements.  Learn more about mediation here.

In addition to legal input, create a healthy support system. Counseling can help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms needed to navigate divorce amicably. A financial advisor can help you understand both the current and long-term impact of divorce decisions.

Make Well-informed Financial Decisions

Every divorce in Wisconsin requires a detailed Financial Disclosure for both parties. Part of this disclosure requires collecting financial records, such as tax returns, bank, investment, and retirement account statements, and property deeds. We will assist you in preparing the document and determining your income and expenses to assess your financial needs and cashflow options. This financial disclosure is important to understand property division and income allocation. We will work with you to reach agreements on how to value and allocate assets, debts, and income in a way that works for you and your family. 
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Be Patient with Yourself and Your Spouse

Divorce is a process. Understanding the information and steps needed to reach agreements and prepare for your new life can help you focus on your own well-being as well as your family’s. Prioritize self-care and seek support from friends and family to help you create a positive outcome. You should avoid rushing and take your time to make informed, thoughtful decisions to avoid future regrets or conflict that can result in returns to court.

Remember, an amicable divorce is possible, but it requires effort, listening, problem-solving, and a commitment to a peaceful resolution. By following these guidelines, you can increase your chances of a smooth and healthy transition.

Attorney Erin M. Idler is a family law mediator and collaborative attorney at Hansen & Hildebrand who helps couples navigate divorce with dignity, offering a calm, proactive approach to resolving issues.